Sad

Today is a hard day for me. 10 years ago this morning my grandma passed away after a 3 day stay in ICU. She was like a mom to me, she raised me from age 5 to 17 so she was more than a grandma.
I'll never forget those 3 long sleepless days. Still today they are yesterday to me. Seeing her lie there unable to speak, to open her eyes, or even acknowledge anyone was in the room. Seeing my grandpa grab her big toe to get her to move, because he KNEW she would move before. She hated him to grab her foot like that. Then watching him tear up because she didn't wake up and yell at him for it. I became numb to seeing her lie there. I could take friends and family in and talk about her etc. I realized I never really spoke TO her at 1st as if she weren't IN the room. On that last night, I went in alone and sat and prayed, and then said, Mamaw, I LOVE you, Its ok to go now. I left the room and finally decided to get some sleep, I laid down for the 1st time in over 3 days and one hour later.....My dad woke me to tell me it was time to go home....She had gone about 10 minutes before that. I drove home listening to the song I had listened to SO many times before and even on a trip to the house to get her medicines the doctors needed to see a few days before. It was Garth Brooks "The Dance" EVERY time I hear that song I think of memories I made to that song before her. And now after I think of her.
"I could have missed the pain but I'da had to miss the dance"
10 years later the pain is less, but the memory is clear. You never get over it you just deal. Thats what I tell anyone who ever asked how I was.
So to end this. R~I~P Mamaw Fern I love you. 6~13~1933 - 1~26~1997